Det her er et program jeg altid har holdt rigtig meget af. Det kommer bare på et superskidt tidspunkt. I samme tidsrum kommer nemlig Luksusfælden på TV3, som ligeledes står mit hjerte nær. Jeg har været splittet, men har i år besluttet at følge landmændene loyalt. For RKI løber heldigvis ingen steder. De vil nemlig aldrig svigte Luksusfælden.
Men lad os se på det.
Med afsnit 14 er vi er nu tæt på sæsonafslutning og alle de sidste uønskede og mindst attråværdige kvinder er efterhånden sparket hjem eller ved at blive det. I dette afsnit følger vi tre af de fem medvirkende landmænd, nemlig Niels, Anders og Troels.
Niels på 25 år har som den eneste stadig alle tre kvinder boende på gården og i dag skal de ud at opleve ham arbejde. Kl. 6.30 jager han dem derfor op, smider dem op på vognladet og fragter dem ud til marken og sin traktor. Den skal de nu prøve at køre. Det er rigtig sjovt, siger de alle, hvilket er en kæmpeløgn.
Herefter er det blevet tid til lidt alene-tid med Marie i kostalden. Hun ligger pt. ret lunt i svinget. I kostalden oplever man noget af det, der gør programmet helt specielt. Når landmændene trækker pigerne til side en og en, fungerer det nemlig altid lidt som en MUS-samtale. I dag vil Niels høre om hvordan Marie har det med forløbet indtil nu, livet på gården, med køerne (som hun hader) og med ham naturligvis. – Hvad føler du for mig?, vil han vide, efter at hun lettere tøvende har svaret på, hvorvidt hun kan forestille sig hårdt og beskidt staldarbejde i de næste par årtier. Da Marie ikke lige ved hvad hun skal svare udover ‘sød og flink’, råder han hende kraftigt til at være mere åben. Ellers er hun færdig.
Ironisk er det derfor, at pigerne kort tid efter, da de snakker med programmets vært Lene Beier, klager over, at Niels selv virker total lukket. Ingen af dem aner hvad han føler for dem eller om han overhovedet er interesseret i nogen af dem. – Jeg vil helst ikke gå efter én bestemt, når der er tre. Allright Hef. Beier er kold og meddeler, at han kun har to dage tilbage før programmet lukker og slukker. Så det er derfor bedst, hvis han meget hurtigt beslutter sig for en han finder bare nogenlunde tiltrækkende.
Niels møder igen pigerne, der nu ligger og soler sig. – Jeg har følelser for to af jer, og det er ikke dig Mette, er det korte (og lettere omskrevet) budskab. Mette har godt kunnet mærke, at han ikke helt har været på, og Niels supplerer med, at han ‘bare ikke har haft den rigtige følelse i kroppen’. Nok mere præcist i underlivet. Either way, så er Mette færdig.
Hos Anders på 42 er der også run på. De to tilbageværende kvinder Louise og Louise skal denne gang besøge en mølle. Anders er nemlig frivillig i et mølle-laug, hvis simple formål er at vedligeholde møllen. Det er særdeles spændende og tiltrækkende, at han har sådan en vigtig opgave i fritiden, mener pigerne. Efter at have set nogle ligeså spændende korn blive malet, afslører Anders, at nu skal de møde hans forældre. Det mener Louise og Louise er lige lovlig tidligt. Det mener han ikke.
Mødet med forældrene begynder lovende. Moren lægger ud med at fortælle til kameraet, at det ikke er mange piger Anders har præsenteret dem for gennem tiden. Det giver straks anledning til den tanke, at der muligvis her er tale om landmændenes udgave af Michael fra ‘gift ved første blik’.
Eller måske egentlig bare den gennemsnitlige landmand.
Indenfor bliver kaffen indtaget i knusende tavshed og kemien mellem de tilstedeværende synes at være fuldstændig fraværende. Hvis man kan huske middagsscenen fra Babettes Gæstebud, så er man meget tæt på oplevelsen i Anders’ forældres stue. På et tidspunkt hiver Anders den ene Louise ud til MUS-samtale og efterlader den anden alene i gravkammeret. Efter deres samtale, som jeg simpelthen ikke kan huske indholdet af, foreslår Anders, at de går tilbage for at se om hans far er ved at snakke ørene af den anden Louise. Det kan ikke være andet end et forsøg på en (dårlig) joke.
I Silkeborg er der til gengæld dømt romantisk weekend. Den rødhårede Troels på 25 og den efterhånden seksuelt frustreret Nadine, som er eneste overlevende af de tre oprindelige piger, skal nemlig på kro-ophold. Her får de til deres store overraskelse tildelt brudesuiten. Forinden kroturen har Nadine oplyst, at hun meget gerne vil have at Troels, som har holdt hende hen i 13 afsnit, snart tager sig sammen og kysser hende.
Før den romantiske dag dog ordentlig kan gå i gang hiver Nadine Troels med til barberen. Hun har nemlig besluttet, at hans skæg skal trimmes, dels da det har ’stået hen noget tid’, dels ’lugter af ko’, dels er hindrende for at de kan kysse. Det vækker i øvrigt minder om forrige års sæson af ’gift ved første blik’, hvor Camilla beder Nicolas om at få sit skæg trimmet i et sidste desperat forsøg på at blive tiltrukket af ham.
Efter at Troels er blevet barberet ned og hans skæg smurt ind i diverse olier er forløsningen rykket meget tættere på. I brudesuiten forbereder Nadine sig på aftenen foran spejlet ved at påføre læberne rød stift i en mængde, der nærmer sig vampyr-stil. Med efterfølgende champagne på bordet bliver hendes ønske omsider opfyldt. Efter hun har kælet hans hånd i en halv time, fatter han hvad der foregår og spørger så om han må give hende et lille kys. Det må han i hvert fald, og det lille kys bliver noget fransk.
Efter en nat, hvor man ikke helt ved hvad der er sket, skal Troels nu møde Nadines veninde. – Vil du gerne have børn, lægger veninden hårdt ud med. – Altså…..ja, fremstammer Troels og bliver straks mødt med næste spørgsmål: – Hvor ser du dig selv om 8 år? Set bort fra det dejligt skæve og ret tilfældige tal veninden slynger ud, så tør jeg næsten godt svare på hans vegne: Nøjagtig samme sted – måske med et par børn. Som Nadine passer. Nadine afslører herefter sine planer, som er at være husmor og i deltidsarbejde. Rigtig fin plan.
Bonusinfo: Nadines bedste ven er hendes far, og der er nok derfor et møde med nogle skønne komplekser i vente for Troels, hvis han fortsætter eventyret.
’Landmand søger kærlighed’ sendes tirsdage på TV2 kl. 20.00
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