Udgivet den af Martin Martensen-Larsen

Status efter 7. afsnit af ‘Gift ved første blik’: Nedsmeltning i Hillerød, kvalme i Tivoli og håndlæsning i Odense

Anders og Luna: Hvis man ser bort fra det absurde i at de to stadig er med i programmets 7. og næstsidste afsnit, til trods for, at ægteskabet blev erklæret dødt allerede i afsnit 2, så er der noget gennemgående trist i deres fortsatte medvirken.

Det triste består såmænd ikke i at forholdet ikke overlevede – for det begyndte aldrig – men i at DR tilsyneladende har besluttet at hive licensbetalerne igennem en endeløs genfortælling af årsagen til ægteskabets forlis.

De sidste mange uger har Luna allerede turneret rundt i medielandskabet og overleveret sin beretning om tillidsbrud, bedrag og forråelse, mens Anders har fået skovlet det ene læs mødding i hovedet efter det andet på sociale medier og er blevet sammenlignet med nogle af verdenshistoriens værste krigsforbrydere – og med Darth Vader. Lunas fortælling om Anders svigt er nu næsten lige så udbredt som Brødrene Grimms eventyr og er tæt på at blive kanoniseret.

Da alle store som små nu kender sagnet om Anders og Luna, er det derfor temmelig underligt, at DR har vurderet, at der er behov for endnu en gentagelse – denne gang til programmets præst. Der er således intet nyt under solen, da Luna og præsten på en bænk i Frederiksberg Have løber hele historien igennem og da Anders og præsten senere gør det samme. Luna er stadig rasende og Anders er superglad.

Chance for overlevelse: Mens Anders højst sandsynlig er blevet kontaktet af PET for at diskutere evt. politibeskyttelse, så kan man læse i avisen, at Luna har solgt sin vielsesring, som viste sig at være 6 kroner værd, og brugt pengene på en tur til Korfu. Her har hun efter eget udsagn tilbragt en uge ‘i flirtens tegn’. Og mødt Androkles. Det sidste er pis. Sagnet om de to vil således leve for evigt og blive bedre for hver generation, der overleverer den.

Frederik og Maja: Majas tårekanaler har gennem programmet vist sig imponerende driftige og kan vise sig vitale som nødreserver, når jorden om nogle årtier tørrer ud. Så ja, Maja græder selvfølgelig også i dette afsnit, og jeg har nu opgivet at holde regnskab over antallet.

Maja skal se Frederiks lejlighed, og det har hun glædet sig til. Det gælder nok i mindre grad Frederik. Men egentlig kunne de havde klaret det lejlighedsbesøg meget hurtigere ved i stedet at se Christiane F eller Trainspotting.

Det første, der møder Maja i lejligheden er indersiden af hoveddøren, som ligner resultatet af en hardcore ravefest for termitter. Hans forklaring på hvorfor den ser sådan ud, forstår jeg simpelthen ikke. Næste stop er sovegemakket, hvor Frederiks viser sin madras med sort lagen frem. – Ja, jeg mangler bare lige at bygge stellet til den, forklarer han. Bull-fucking-shit. Det er sådan den ‘seng’ kommer til at se ud de næste 30 år.

Efter et par seværdigheder mere er rundturen ved at være slut og Majas luftrør tæt på stoppet til. Hendes samlede bedømmelse er ganske høflig, men let gennemskuelig: – Altså vi elsker begge farver, men det kommer nok ret forskelligt til udtryk. Donut- og fadølspuden kan jeg godt se nu hører til i den mildere ende. Løst oversat: Det her er en dealbreaker.

Senere skal Frederik og Maja i tivoli. – Her kan vi nemlig få nogle gode oplevelser og minder sammen, forklarer Frederik. I den berømte have viser Frederiks næsten ligeså berømte mangel på initiativ sig dog hurtigt at træde i forgrunden. – Hvad har du lyst til Frederik? spørger Maja optimistisk. – Øh………………. – Nå, men hvad den her forlystelse så, fortsætter hun og peger på en pænt hastig roterende maskine. – Jo, det kan vi godt. Til kameraet afslører Frederik, at han egentlig ikke bryder sig om de hurtige forlystelser, men, at han er bange for at foreslå noget som Maja vil synes er kedeligt eller åndssvagt. Og vupti er vi bombet tilbage til de glade dage i Bologna.

I den næste times tid bliver Frederik derfor centrifugeret løs i diverse torturmaskiner og han må sande, at det har sin pris ikke at tage noget initiativ. Efter den sidste tur kommer han så med et dristigt forslag om, at de måske kan købe noget at drikke og sidde lidt ned. Det indvilliger Maja i, men pludselig forsvinder Frederik til hendes store overraskelse. Kort tid efter kommer han dog tilbage og fortæller, at han har kvalme. De sidste par ture har simpelthen taget for hårdt på ham, og med hovedet mellem benene, ligner Frederik en der har pådraget sig en serie af små hjernerystelser. – Er du ok? Hvad har du lyst til vi gør Frederik, spørger Maja omsorgsfuldt. – Hjem! Mange dejlige oplevelser og minder rigere, forlader de Tivoli og drager hjemad.

Hjemme er Maja ikke så sikker på hele set-up’et længere. Frederik og Maja havde aftalt, at han skulle til at stille nogle flere spørgsmål, men nu er han nået frem til, at han nok har stillet de forkerte. (Dem kunne jeg faktisk godt have tænkt mig at have hørt nogle af). Det snakker de lidt om, og Frederik kommer med et for ham efterhånden ret kendetegnende forslag, nemlig, at det nok er bedst, hvis de lige sover hver for sig den her nat. – Så kan vi tænke lidt, forklarer han. Det ender med dog med, at han tager alle sine ting med og flytter ud. Hvorefter Maja græder.

Chance for overlevelse: Danmarks skyggeparlament ‘Nationen’ på EB talte i fredags og er kommet frem til at kun 3 procent tror på Frederik og Maja, mens 8 procent tror på Anders og Luna! Det betyder altså, at chancen for at Luna, som er skiftet til kvinder på grund af Anders og højst sandsynligt har haft kontakt til mulige lejemordere, skulle hoppe i kanen med Anders endnu engang, er større end, at Maja beslutter sig for at give Frederik endnu chance. Det giver jo fint mening.

Michael og Christina: Jeg ved ikke om der laves de der DVD-bokse mere, men i hvert fald vil jeg gerne købe denne her sæson med ekstramateriale – såsom fraklip med nogle af de bedste skænderier mellem Michael og Christina. Jeg er nemlig dødtræt af, at DR har valgt kun at lade de unge mennesker genfortælle deres tiltagende ‘misforståelser’ i stedet for at rent faktisk at vise de beskidte og blodige scener. Så kan vi jo ligeså godt høre lortet som radiospil.

Ellers er der rimelig gang i den.

De lykkelige dage i Tarragona er nu kun et tåget minde og er i stedet afløst af en hverdag, hvor størstedelen af samtaler eller aktiviteter synes at munde ud i verbalt slagsmål. Det forsøger de to at råde bod på ved at tage en god gammeldags tur til Lalandia. Wtf.

Her skal de blandt andet stå på skøjter, noget Christina ikke har prøvet siden hun ‘var lille’. -Jeg føler mig næsten som et barn igen, fortæller hun, hvilket faktisk er meget sjovt, eftersom hun snakker som et barn det meste af tiden. På skøjtebanen skal de begge lige finde balancen, men snart er der fnisen og glade dage. – Det er parterapi på is, kvidrer Christina. Parterapi på is, gentager Michael.

Desværre viser det sig, at skøjtning i Lalandia ikke er den mest langtidsholdbare form for terapi. Tilbage i Hillerød bliver der nemlig hurtigt skruet op for de efterhånden legendariske ‘misforståelser’. Blandt andet er der den, hvor Michael er inviteret med til en fest hos Christinas veninde, som netop er blevet student. Christina spørger Michael inden de skal tage afsted om han er for træt, og om han hellere vil blive hjemme. Det tolker Michael som om hun ikke vil have med og snerrer af hende. Det udløser så et kæmpe skænderi, der ender med at Christina tager hen til veninden, mens Michael tager hen til en ven og sover.

Den episode har EB efterfølgende samlet fint op med overskriften ‘Det var meget værre end på tv’. Og her føler man sig så igen pænt snydt af DR. Det viser sig, at Christina febrilsk har forsøgt at kime Michael ned hele natten hos vennen og er blevet skidesur over, at han ikke tager den. Næste morgen modtager Michael så en sms, hvor Christina fortæller, at hun har meddelt produktionsselskabet, at de trækker sig fra programmet. Det gør Michael rasende og det afstedkommer, at han nægter at snakke med hende næste dag, da de skal ud på en flyveplads og springe i faldskærm.

Men så viser det sig, at sms’en til Michael bare var en joke fra Christinas side. Det var ren satire! Hun har nemlig slet ikke sendt nogen besked til produktionsselskabet. Det ved Michael bare ikke, for han vil ikke snakke med hende. Haha! Det er god værkstedshumor!

– Der står her, at I er to, der skal springe sammen? spørger en forvirret servicemedarbejder på flyvepladsen. – Ja, men vi snakker ikke rigtig sammen, og jeg vil hellere have, at det her er en god oplevelse, hvor man smiler og er glad, forklarer Christina vredt. Herefter møder de faldskærmsinstruktøren. – Dårlig stemning? – Ja, siger de begge. Ok, men jeg springer ikke med nogen der er i dårlig humør, oplyser han.

Det ender med, at Michael springer alene og Christina dropper sin tur. – Jeg føler bare ikke for det lige nu. Og så kører hun hjem uden et ord til Michael. Det synes han til gengæld ikke er god værkstedshumor.

Hjemme til kameraet fortæller Christina, at hun stadig holder af Michael og vil ham, men at hun også har mistet ekstremt meget for ham. Det er en ligning jeg har svært ved at gennemskue.

Chance for overlevelse: Det går ikke skidegodt, vel.

Dennis og Anja: –

Chance for overlevelse: –

Claus og Henriette: Det er næsten for kedeligt. Selvom Claus er begyndte at tvivle lidt på det hele og ikke længere ved om han er så flytbar som han troede, selvom Henriette er chokeret over, at Claus vasker sine underhylere sammen med viskestykker, og selvom en håndlæser kommer forbi Claus’ hus i Odense og fortæller om kærlighed, børn og engle, så føler man den bare ikke rigtig.

Chance for overlevelse: Den kender håndlæseren.

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