I går aftes havde første afsnit af den danske udgave af ’Love Island’ premiere på TV3. Forud for programstart var jeg kort inde på kanalens hjemmeside for lige at tjekke ud hvad Love Island mere præcist var, og hvad man kunne forvente sig af det. Det var ikke voldsomt oplysende. Der stod bl.a. noget med en eller anden app som man kunne bruge aktivt under programmet. Det kommer så ikke til at ske. Og herefter kunne man møde deltagerne i en kort video. Jeg trykkede på Olivia 21 år, som efter at have danset rundt i tyve sekunder præsenterer sig selv med, at hun ’har et ret hårdt ydre, men et megagrineren indre’. Det sidste aner jeg simpelthen ikke hvad betyder.
Så blev kl. 22 og programmet begyndte. Plottet virker såmænd sobert nok. Unge singler møder hinanden i et hotel-lignende hus på en solskins-ø for at finde ren og ægte kærlighed. Løst oversat til TV3-sprog skal unge fyldt med proteinpulver og silikone i de kommende uger knalde igennem, drikke sig ned, sladre, lyve, stikke hinanden i ryggen og dyste om en præmie på 250.000 kr. Meget få bliver kærester efter programmet (i max 3-4 måneder) mens de fleste kommer til at hade hinanden resten af livet. Med andre ord et spritnyt koncept.
Det hele starter med, at de kvindelige singler møder hinanden. Her får de en drink, tager et slet skjult øjemål af hinandens røve og brystmål og snakker megahurtigt og i munden på hinanden. – Ej du er smuk! Nej, du er smuk! – Ej, din røv er smuk! osv. Herefter bliver det afsløret, at de alle uden undtagelse tænder på høje, mørkhårede, veltrænede mænd, der kan sætte dem på plads – rygtet om en ny og forfriskende trend blandt kvinder talte altså sandt. Så kommer Lisbeth Østergaard, som er vært på programmet. Hun taler ligeså hurtigt som deltagerne og i munden på dem. – I er uden tvivl de smukkeste piger jeg har set samlet på ét sted, lægger hun ud med. Det er naturligvis løgn, og så er det blevet tid til at møde fyrene.
Konceptet er simpelt. Fyrene kommer ud en efter en og så skal pigerne træde frem hvis de kan lide det de ser. Det er der ikke mange af de 5 piger der kan, da den første – Jamie – kommer ud. En af pigerne, Nathalie, forbarmer sig og træder efter et godt stykke tid frem. – Nå, hvad siger du Jamie, spørger Østergaard. Kan du bruge det til noget eller vil du vælge en anden? Du må vælge lige hvem du vil. Jamie kigger straks savlende hen på den blonderede Julie, der ejer flokkens største silikonebryster. Før ankomsten har hun til kameraet afsløret at ’det er dyrt at se billig ud’ og dermed genoplivet Dolly Partons gamle motto. I et øjeblik synes Jamie at overveje om han skal lade sine mere primitive drifter råde og vælge brysterne fremfor det mere naturlige valg, nemlig Nathalie. Han ender med at vælge det sikre – og naturlige.
Alle par bliver herefter dannet og til sidst kommer der en singlepige og fucker det hele op. Hun er nr. 11 og har ingen partner. Det bliver så hendes opgave at ændre på det – ved at kaste sig i grams. Herefter druk og fest og så sengetid i det barbielignende hus med masser af neonfarver.
Paradise Hotel er naturligvis det man kommer til at tænke på allerførst, når man ser Love Island, og en af de skattede traditioner fra det program, nemlig de sproglige lækkerier, bliver man såmænd heller ikke snydt for her. Man kan f.eks. nyde Julie på 21 år som ifølge hende selv ’har syg mange humor’ og Jamie 24 år, hvis ’bælte er Lucy Vuitton’. Min personlige favorit er pt. den lærerstuderende Emilie på 22: ’Jeg er dansklærer, så jeg kan godt stave til Love Island’. Det er skidegodt.
Men mens Paradise trods alt foregik i et nogenlunde tempo, så er der gået et eller andet alvorligt galt her. Det er den mest vanvittige klipning jeg har længe har set. Programmets første 20 minutter minder om en blanding mellem en dårlig feberdrøm og musikvideoen til ’Smack My Bitch Up’. Et superhektisk mix af random billeder, løsrevne sætninger, slowmotion, flash-lys og hvad det alt sammen hedder. Selv rulleteksterne sidst i programmet virkede til at være på MDMA. Jeg er klar over, at jeg ikke er i målgruppen og måske en smule gammel, men hvad fuck var det her?
Jeg ved ikke om jeg nogensinde skal se det igen.
Dog et par gode råd til TV3: Få styr på klipperne og fjern det der bizarre speak, der kører imens. Den drengede kommentator gør ikke noget godt for programmet.
Programmet Love Island sendes på TV3 hver dag fra mandag til lørdag kl. 22.00
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